Happy Birthday

March 21

                It used to be one of my favorite days of the year, March 21, with spring officially here and spring break within reaching distance. It used to be an exciting day to be creative and thoughtful, like when I made a book with coupons for housework and such. It used to be the day my brothers and sister and I set aside our picking on each other and worked together to do something productive, like when we made a cherry chip birthday cake like she had as a little girl and drove it to Mom’s work in Cherry Creek. It used to be the day Mom played along and let us do things for her, like the time Becky and I decorated the house for a “surprise,” and I forgot to take a picture while Becky was at soccer practice, so Mom walked in again and was extra surprised. It used to be a day to bond, like when she visited me in Paris and we fought through the wind and toughed out the cobblestone walks to enjoy the amazing sights of Versailles.

                March 21. It used to be one of my favorite days of the year, but now it’s one of the hardest days. Now everyday life activities go on, and I just watch. Work happens, and I feel disengaged. Daffodils bloom in the backyard and along the sides of streets, and I smile before the tears stream down my cheeks.

                One of the saddest things about losing my mom is that my little girl will never really know her. She was only 7 months old when Grammy passed away, and although my brilliant little girl has an amazing memory, there is no way she truly remembers her Grammy. My goal is to share Grammy with Addie through stories and pictures so that she feels like she really knew her too.  

                Addie got to share one of Grammy’s birthdays with her. At twelve tiny weeks of age, Addie, Grammy and I boarded a plane to Oklahoma to visit Dan and Mandi. I dreaded the plane ride and I was nervous to be away from Jeff and the comforts of home with my new baby, but Mom and I were both off work for a bit longer, so it was now or never. I didn’t realize it was really now or never, but I think she did. Anyway, just as the plane took off, I followed Mom’s advice and gave Addie a bottle so that her little ears wouldn’t be bothered by the change in air pressure, and of course it worked! We made it to Oklahoma, shared a room with Addie in a playpen in the closet, and had a great trip. While we were there, we took a trip to the zoo and went to dinner at Dan and Mandi’s favorite Mexican restaurant where we sang to Mom since her birthday was just around the corner.

                Shortly after returning from our trip, I got a note in the mail. Mom thanked me for the birthday dress I’d gotten her, and complimented my parenting. I smiled as I read it, thinking, “You were right there with me, coaching me on what was best.” Addie will know Grammy through stories and pictures, and she will know her through the characteristics I learned from her as a mom, role model, and friend.

                March 21 will forever be anything other than a normal day in my life. With time, perhaps I will see the daffodils growing and smile without tears rolling down my cheeks. For now, I treasure the memories of birthdays I shared with her.

                Happy birthday, Mom.