Heart and Soul: An Introduction to a Life Change

Heart and Soul

                Everybody needs a soul. I know that the impression is that we are born with one, but I think this is only partially true. I think we are born with the “so-“ part, and we have to develop the “-ul”, which can happen a number of ways. For some, it is developed at a young age through sports, clubs, and school. For others, it happens in an instant when they meet their “soul mate”. For others still, it is a career that inspires all of the pieces of the person that they want to be. With so many different ways to develop a soul, it’s no wonder we are so different from everyone we meet.

                Me… well, I was born with it. Not so much with it as to it. My mom is my soul. So what happens now? She died, so did my soul die? I’m not dead, so no, but I feel dead inside, so yes?

                I’ve been grappling with this for some time now, and my “death” has impacted every relationship I’m a part of. My body is alive and healthier (looking, anyway) than it’s ever been, but my soul…. My soul hurts, aches, feels incomplete. Some of the people I have been closest to have commented on the distance between us and my lack of interest in them. It’s not that I’m not interested, or don’t care! I still love my friends and family with all of my heart! The problem is, my heart is broken. The broken pieces can’t give my love as efficiently as when it was whole.

                So here I am, starting a blog in an attempt to piece my heart back together by sharing “slices” of my life with my amazing mom. If things go as planned, my baby girl will feel like she really knew her Grammy, and my wonderful husband will again feel the love I have for him because by sharing these slices, my heart will again become whole.